Updated: Feb 6, 2022
In conventional, conditioned sex we are continuously building, building, building energy and then boom, explosion, it’s all over red rover. We rarely allow ourselves to calm down enough to relax into the depths of our pleasure. In embodied sex, we begin our experience relaxing our energy together, then building some arousal and then relaxing, building arousal again and so on and so on.
“When we begin in relaxation, we begin in presence”
Our conditioned approach is to just jump into bed together, start touching each other up and just hope that we have a good experience. Our heads are firmly in the game, running our sexual agendas and projections onto each other, enduring touch that’s often not what we really want to receive and playing out our well worn habitual and mechanical sexual moves.
When we begin a sexual experience in relaxation, we give ourselves the time to drop in with each other first, without all the excesses of mental hotness. We can release the stresses and pressures of the day, we can allow the mind chatter to quieten. We synchronise our energy and breath together, we are transitioning out of a possible mind fuck, to find each other here and now in this present moment and aligned to a fresh new page.
There’s no performance pressure here, no personality/identity to put on, no belief system to hold, nothing to prove to yourself or your lover. Just your authentic you.
Yes, it’s far more vulnerable, yes you are revealing yourself more naked than just taking your clothes off, yes you are letting go of your need to control everything…. Here you are sitting in the unknown, in the I don’t know and you're being seen in that by another person. This is where the test of your real courage is required, not the bravado put on and puff up your chest courage, but the authentic dig deep courage of allowing who you really are without all your masks and conditioning.
“Do everything with a mind that has let go”
From this place of relaxation our internal sexual energy starts to awaken and move through us. Our bodies movements respond smoothly and effortlessly, we notice the fluidity and flow of how both our bodies are meeting each other in ease and beauty.
Our movements here are smaller, finer and refined, tinged with wonder and sensitive spontaneity to meet the profundity of the moment. The energy may oscillate and invite you into some slightly larger movements of your body. The action of the movements or the “doing” of the sexual energy has now been totally transformed, because the “doing” is arising from the origin of relaxation rather than excessive mental tension.
Like the mountain range above, relax into the valley first, then begin to build your arousal and stay just this side of the peak (so that you don't go over). Then allow the energy to subside and relax again. Then build again and so on. Valley, peak, valley, peak.........
During the relaxation component, we are able to savour the orgasmic pleasure that has just been built. We relax and feel the exquisite intricacies of this subtle power permeate every inch of our bodies and our entire being. We imbibe the purest of waters from the immortal well of our mind, body, soul & cosmos. This is what all the great Tantrikas spoke of.
Embodied sex allows us to last for as long as we want. In fact, the energy is so delicious that it’s easy to slip stream into following a particular thread of energy, that we enter periods of timelessness. At this point, we are definitely not worrying about losing an erection or that we can’t get it up again or that the eros will fade away. The sexual satiation happens at such a deep core level of our being and our cup is filled to overflow.
“Don’t seek, don’t search, don’t ask,
don’t knock, don’t demand - relax.
If you relax, it comes.
If you relax, it is there.
If you relax you start vibrating with it.”