|Posted on April 9, 2018 at 2:40 AM|
The 5 PATHWAYS OF THE PERPETRATOR/VICTIM DYNAMIC
The theme of victimhood, boundaries and safety has been active in my life for the past 2 years, with the current METOO# movemnet it feels like an ideal time to put pen to paper and share what ive been noticing .... what ive noticed is that there seems to be 5 distinct pathways in which this dynamic plays out....
1) This pathway is where the perpetrator comes outta nowhere, it's a hit from what feels like the ether, there is zero warning given and the perpetrator takes what they are impulsed to do, leaving the victim with "What the fuck just happened?", Where did that come from?" and the nervous system is shaken with varying degrees of trauma experienced. The "Why Me" is unexplainable, yet we can give it many meanings.
2) The second pathway is where the Perpetrator uses their energetics and their words to manoeuvre the situation to suit their needs. This is the most common pathway. The perpetrator can only move forward in the situation and reflect the victims self worth standpoint. In other words, if the victim has no idea of what they are available for in the exchange, if they haven't yet had those deeper conversations with themselves of what their personal boundaries are, the experience plays out for both of their learning.
Why is it so difficult to have that deeper conversation with self and know what our boundaries are?
Our boundaries change every day depending upon how we are feeling with ourself AND depending who is in front of us and the degree of safety we feel with that person AND how much we are ready to reveal about ourselves in that moment.
So what questions do we need to ask, to have this inner conversation with ourself? Here are 3 effective questions....
a) What would open me in this experience?
b) What would close me in this experience?
c) What am I available for in this experience?
Knowing this requires you to have the awareness to check in with yourself. Is my head, heart, feelings, emotions & genitals in alignment? What do i need for that alignment to take place?
To do this we need to be connected to our feeling (feminine) so that we can take the action required (masculine).
3) This pathway is called the perpetrator/victim reversal. It is where the victim themselves becomes predatory. So, the victim is unconsciously seeking experiences for themselves, that validate their unconscious energetic and engage someone who is unconsciously willing to stand in reflection of the role of predator for them.
4) This is the Conscious perpetrator & victim. In this exchange, the victim is willingly and consciously offering of themselves to the perpetrator, they are instigating what their boundaries are in the moment and saying "I give full permission and I am allowing you to take your pleasure from me".
The perpetrator is saying "These are my boundaries in this moment, this is what I wish to take from you and this is my desire". Allowing and Taking are the other two quadrants, along with giving and receiving quadrants that make up the "Wheel of Consent" an invaluable tool created by Betty Martin.
5) This pathway is Sovereignty. This is the way of awareness, where you have integrated both your perpetrator and victim, you have taken full ownership of how this dynamic has previously operated and played out in your life and you are now able to engage in interactions from a place of self worth and reverence for yourself and all beings.
I give thanks for the perpetrator energetic that has taught me
"That I am not powerless".
I give thanks for the victim energetic that has taught me
"That I am worthy and empowered".
"I AM A SOVEREIGN BEING AND I TRUST IN EXISTENCE"
With my love & blessings,
Categories: Sexual Empowerment